Lost Coin Class Notes Salt Lake City Tuesday, June 28, 2011 =================================================================================================== DS: I want to talk about general practice a bit. We torture our selves. We look at how we can't do this, do we have the talent. I was talking to both my sons this week, and they are up to interesting things. They are remarkable characters and are good at what they do. They said to me that I do everything well. I said that's not really true. When I met Caryn, we went on a vacation camping. It was a courtship time. I was at the monastery, she was into yoga. She did not know the outdoorsy side to me. I like to camp. Once I had gone through Newfoundland. It rained an entire month...and I was camping. It was quite an adventure. Caryn and I went to the Thousand Lakes area. We were camping and it started to rain and it rained for several days. I said, "I'll build a fire" and she said "You can't do it." So I said "Watch" and I did it. The secret is to keep trying. Every time the fire goes out because of the rain, it's still dry a little. After you get the fire going, it keeps going even it it's raining. That's what life is. Trying. When I came to the monastery, no one valued talent and intelligence. They valued effort. So I was in a training that suited me. Same thing with the martial arts. I'm not big or fierce, but I got to teacher level because I just kept going. One day I was getting my butt kicked and a guy said, "Silberberg doesn't know when to quit." All I knew was to keep going. The idea of talent is self-torture. The magic secret to everything is called effort...continuous effort. So, I was also watching a film about Philip Glass. It's a lovely film in twelve parts. At one point, someone comes in and interviews him. Interviewer: "What's your secret?" PG: "I get up early in the morning and I work all day. Is there another secret?” I feel that’s a good lesson for you all. When things are not going well, just say: "I'm not trying hard enough, I'm not sitting enough, I'm not digging in hard enough." Which is good, because it means that there's nothing wrong with you. Believe in yourselves and really try. Some of you talk abut your relationships and think that you are complete jerks. You are not. Just keep gong. This simple formula is the formula of Zen. =================================================================================================== Student: So does doubling your effort include the effort to make a quiet space for yourself? DS: Yes. Your inward practice and externally as well. Part of your practice is to be nice. So be nice. =================================================================================================== Student: One of the things that helps me is to stop criticizing myself. DS: Yes, that's the self torture. We expect ourselves to be perfect, so we give up and hate ourselves. =================================================================================================== Student: Sometimes the notion of effort is scowling at myself and getting a headache. But that's not necessary. DS: Effort is not feeling effortful. Suppose you decide to sit 4 hours one day. The only effort you need to make is to sit on a pillow for 4 hours. Nothing else. Everything else is nonsense. Student: Sometimes when I sit I get a headache. Effort seems to be more than the act of living. DS: I'm talking abut an Eastern model which is being used by athletes and dancers. When I was studying Kung Fu, I had good days and bad days. As long as I kept coming, I got better and better. If you keep sitting, you'll get better. Same for koans. There was a study that said that 10,000 hours of playing piano will make you adept. =================================================================================================== DS: I lowered the bar for you guys who became monks, You are ensui ...beginning monks. Becoming a senior monk will be much more demanding. Maybe I'll require three days of sitting. The first day hurts. The second you are out of your mind. ================================================================= Student: On the Kung Fu days that you'd did not do well, did you torture yourself? DS: Oh yes. Right now I'm studying Chinese. It's repetitive over and over...memorize. I'm not as quick as when I was young and I don't learn as quickly. This is drudgery which I love. ================================================================= Student: I've really worked to have things be exciting. Organize it so that I'll be excited to do it. Now I work on things that are boring and it's OK. DS: At the monastery, I'd get up and sit at 5am. I thought that it was horrible, trudging through snow...and I loved it. There's something about straining through difficult things. It's so valuable to do this. ================================================================= Student: I need a challenge or a goal. The routine of sitting is not a goal, but training to sit for 3 days is a goal. DS: You *have* a goal, which is to pass Mu. Say to yourself: I'm going to pass it in 3 months. If it doesn't happen the first month -- sitting an hour a day -- then sit 2 hours per day. This is something you have to do on your own. If you go to Zen Mountain Monastery, you'll see what a week in a monastery is like. They force you to do it. But I'm asking you to do this for yourself. With Lost Coin, you have to be self-motivating. Some folks go to a monastery and leave, the discipline is over. You guys have to develop the discipline for yourself, which lasts forever. ================================================================= DS: There is a book by John Daido Loori, called "The Eight Gates of Zen, which I want you to get. Please look at that. When Daido was teaching, he devised multiple areas of practice. You should all have different areas of practice: sitting, physical, arts, academic. ================================================================= Student: Ken Wilbur talks about the same sort of thing. Multiple areas of practice. DS: Ken Wilbur is probably a fine guy but he puts me to sleep. We (Lost Coin) have a structure. ================================================================= DS: Teisho is when I give a talk, usually in a retreat. It's not a lecture, it's a song. Your part is to listen and let it in. When I was in Zen Mountain Monastery, Maezumi Roshi used to give talks after we had been sitting all day. With meals, it was 11 hours of sitting. He would give them in Japanese and English. I remember sitting there and thinking, "If only I could be struck by lightning or have heart attack." You were not allowed to move or to shift position. A monitor was behind you. I talked to Genpo Roshi and he said that he would pray to be struck by lightning. Doen: ”You too?!" Maezumi Roshi would look around at who was suffering the most and give you a little smile. Maezumi Roshi was very smart and emotional. If you passed his scrutiny, you made him happy and you felt his complete approval. ================================================================= Student: I heard that Joko Beck passed away. DS: Yes. I met her and spent time with her once. She really liked the Enneagram. Joko was a unique soul because she had been married to a psychiatrist for years and then he died. So when she came to Zen, she was 50. She was quirky, opinionated. She was Phil Jackson's teacher. Her books are good. I would have liked to know her better. I liked her very much. Let me tell you another Maezumi Roshi story: When he used to come, we'd do Buddhist services. It was hysterical. Daido Roshi had to get it together. We had been training by Japanese monks and everyone was running around crazy. So Daido Roshi entered the hall too early, and Maezumi Roshi screamed at him, ‚”You're stepping on my head!” He was furious that someone has messed up the service. His message was that ”Everything that you do in practice is important and you should do it with diligence, seriousness and sincerity. If you understand and do that, you'll have my undying love and support.” So that's what I teach because I can't teach what I wasn't taught. I'm trying to inspire to you to do the most valuable thing that I've ever done. There's a lot more. To show you how effective Maezumi Roshi's methods were, Maezumi Roshi asked me to be a monk which turned out to be a political issue. If I became a monk, it would have made me at Daido Roshi's level. He was more senior, so it would have created problems. So, it was dropped. Later, Maezumi Roshi asked me every day over and over to become a monk. And then he died (without my having become a monk). So, after a year, I told Genpo Roshi that I wanted to be a monk. This emotional tie that you have with each other and the practice and me is the real power behind the practice and the real power behind the teacher. ================================================================= Student: I think that a month or so ago, that I was not making much effort. I was overworked and stressed and did not take care of myself. So, Doen Sensei said to lose 10 pounds. DS: She trusted me. I have a lot of women students and I was a therapist and I've learned a few things. If a woman constantly adjusts her clothes, then her body bothers her. ================================================================= Student: I wanted to tell everyone that I've asked DS to be my teacher. DS: And you came to California, which was good. Everyone should come to California and visit. ================================================================= Student: I continue to be baffled that I'm sitting inconsistently. DS: You are just a person that requires more external reinforcement. ================================================================= Student: I went to New York to visit my dad's brother. He walks with great effort with a cane. On the Army, he had flown in a small plane and the Japanese shot up the plane. But, he managed to fly to New Guinea in one piece. He got shot down twice while in the Army. So, it put my problems in perspective. ================================================================= Student: I feel like I'm in transition. I feel like I've got more time. So I can sit more. ================================================================= DS: One morning at Zen Mountain Monastery it was really cold and I was sick and I didn't get up. Daido Roshi called me and said “Where are you? You have to come in.” I got slightly mad. “You don't have to call me to come in.” (The moral is) No one does this on their own. Everyone needs a little pushing. I have realized in my teaching that I'm more likely now to ask you do do things. Most of you who have been practicing a while probably realize that you are committed. I’ve chosen to teach this way, with fewer students. Maybe 30 more, and that's it. We're looking for a place in SF now.