Dismantling beliefs is one of the practices of the Lost Coin. When I look at beliefs I have held I often wonder where they came from. I find they aren’t based on any real evidence, not really grounded in reality. These beliefs are things I have heard from sources I don’t remember. When I have looked at it deeply I have often found that many of my beliefs are just perimeters surrounding territory I am afraid to go outside of – boundaries formed by fear.
Doen
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I’m an Oracle database administrator (DBA). In my line of work, there have been a number of beliefs that have not proven to be true.
“Indexes need to be periodically rebuilt”
“Indexes and tables should be in separate mount points”
“Each segment should be in a single extent”
Recently, DBAs have started to question these beliefs. Current thought is moving towards proof versus belief.
The funny thing is that these beliefs caused a lot of pain for a long time, but almost no one questioned them. For example, in order to rebuild segments into single extents or rebuild indexes, DBAs had to work long hours on weekends and had to deny database access to the users while the rebuild activity was underway. Pain, and shared pain, because of mistaken beliefs.
Once we started to question our beliefs and we saw what was really going on, it freed us from working on weekends as much.
Why did we do this? In my opinion, it was out of lazyness and ignorance. It was easier to simply accept a “known truth” than it was to make the effort to find the proof. Now, I wonder: What else do I believe that is not true?
As an Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist I know how difficult and painful it is even just to change your perspective or point of view regard to believes. I work over years with my patients on this subject and I personally had known people who committed rather suicide instead of changing their personal view and their believes. It is a strange matter of fact that most of these believes had been very harmful and painful for their lives. I think it requires some amount of doubt to change your view and to mistrust your believes. Unfortunately most people think, if they have doubts concerning their lives, they do something wrong. It is a common formula: doubt = wrong. We have no culture of doubting in our society. It is not very trendy. And of course it is hard and painful, too. It causes fears and disorientation. My Zen-practice is a tremendous way out of this pain and fears in my life because it let grow a deep faith.
I remember one of the first times Doen led me step-by-step through dismantling a very deeply rooted belief. I very much wanted to have a second child and was upset because my romantic life was a mess and I was already in my early 30s (this was years ago).
Doen asked me why I wanted another child; some reasons were intrinsic to the pleasure of having a child, but some were along the lines of “my daughter would be happier having a sibling,” “when I’m old, my daughter won’t be alone, and she’ll have grown up with a blood relative closer in age,” things like that.
Patiently, but very directly, Doen peppered me with questions: “Do you know people with no siblings who are happy? Do you know people who hate their siblings? Doesn’t your daughter have cousins she’s so close to, they’re like sisters? How do you know having a baby around would be good for your daughter? How do you know she wouldn’t hate it?”
Of course, he was right. And as with so many things, I was being driven by fear–fear that by not having a sibling, somehow my daughter’s life would be poorer. Who knows what she’ll think down the road, but at 11, she loves being an only child with “part-time siblings” (her cousins). And this process of breaking down my belief that “it’s best to have more than one child, and preferably within just a few years of each other” has helped me dismantle many, many other beliefs, making me more free, more open, and more flexible.
I think I understand what people are saying on one level – i also know i am stuck here – partially because it seems that i have evidence that certain things are “better” or “healthier” than others, for example. But I guess the point might be that a, b, or c might be true for me and my experience but not for another and therefore, i should not be strident in my experience becoming a truth … or a belief that closes doors to other experiences or forces my experience onto others.
any thoughts on this are appreciated!
Thanks,
Liz McCoy
One thing I learned about my beliefs is, that they can make me and others suffer without any reason. E.g. in my job I often get advance information about a patient concerning symptoms, behaving or circumstances about him, that can lead me to the right diagnosis and decision, but also to the opposite! It´s so important to be aware of it and try to encounter your patient openly, best is to really forget about your information for a while. This oftenly leads to a totally different result, that is more helpful and satisfying for both sides! Otherwise it´s like wearing colored glases that will make you see things only in the way they allow them to look like.
I’m a new student of Zen but far enough along to consider how my mind tends to complicate things. Even as I consider this topic, what’s most appealing to me is the idea of devising a strategic plan for completely dismantling all beliefs. But my new practice, as Doen has suggested, is just to relax and hang out in a “special kind of dumbness or stupidity” about it all.
And today it continues.
From here, I can see better that the plan or practice of Zen points not to the goal of increased clarify and understanding, but to the freedom to just be one with the blurriness of everything I feel right now.
From here, I see that questioning my beliefs starts with the very belief that doing so will yield me anything in particular, including clarity or certainty.
From here I see that the beliefs that limit me most aren’t the ones I see, but the one’s I don’t see but which still frame my practice as a way to protect something important that could ever be at stake.
From here, it’s obvious. The dismantling is already underway. My part? Stand still, or get out of the way.
Which is the way?
When Annette spoke about trying to see her patients with fresh eyes, it reminded me of a book written by Jerome Groopman, M.D. in 2007. It’s called, “How Doctors Think.” The back jacket talks about his narratives which expose “…the snap judgments and stereotypical thinking, the premature conclusions and herd instinct — that dangerously narrow the vision of too many physicians.” I can easily apply this statement to the stereotypical notions I cling to in daily life — notions that, if they were listed on a petition, I wouldn’t sign my name to them.
Well, I think that in addition to the beliefs that we hold unquestioningly, we should also look at the investment we often have in these beliefs, that explain why we believe them – why we hold on to them so tenatiously in spite of not only a lack of evidence for them, but even in the face of evidence to the contrary. I think that Volker is talking about this aspect when he writes about his patients who would rather commit suicide than change their beliefs. My anthropological training taught me about this very early on – about culture-bound beliefs that people hold onto and rarely question, and when they do question, a lot of stress is created because identities are invested in them. I became fully faced with this issue while I was doing fieldwork (participant observation) that resulted in an ethnography of Hasidic Jews in Los Aneles. The fieldwork lasted 2 years during which time I immersed myself in what turned out to be quite an alien culture to me even though I am ethnically Jewish. I was investigating their world veiw and cosmology which came to intrigue me – the mysticim and, in some areas, a kind of Jewish fundamentalist Zen I actually found very attractive (not the fundamentalism but the Zenish practices). Becomming involved in this way for such a long time, I was nudged in the direction of questioning some of my firmly held beliefs in addition to the Hasidic ones. And what do you know, I found a lot of mine as wanting in evidentiary foundation as I found most of the Hasidic ones. I began to question some very basic premises of my life, my science, my career. I finally came down on the side of a secular, scientific worldview. But I had softened in the tenacity of my grip. One of the things that I learned first-hand was that beliefs do things for us. The questioning, doubtind process was painful to me. I was working with beliefs that were part of my mental infrastructure. And the beliefs of the Hasids did the same thing for them.
Interestingly enough, when I experimentally challenged some of their beliefs, it was the new converts that responded with exrtreme anger. Those born into it had developed mechanisms of defence that allowed them to deftly and often cheerfully evade. I think that we should realize that there is stress and pain in dismantalling deeply held beliefs even though they may be responsible for much of our suffering. In the language of Buddhism and Zen, these are the beliefs that we are attached to and that we cling to.
I really like Doen’s analogy to boundaries on the edge of territory; when I think of it that way it helps me see that my beliefs and my fear are completely dependent on each other. The opinions I express with strong emotion directly point to something that scares me or makes me anxious, and often for really diluted, deluded, and dubious reasons.
I’ve recently realized that I haven’t questioned my own beliefs as vigorously as I have in the past, times during which I felt very alive. After reading this blog and all the replies I feel inspired to bring an awareness to my beliefs. Thank you.
@Amy
Thank you Amy for your very direct, live comment. I think this kind of input inspires us all.
I do not even see all of my beliefs. I am not even aware of some of the deep rooted ones that affect my life, what I get and what I don’t.
But sometimes I see a pattern. I see what I do and what I get.
It is difficult to look into this mirror, and see me, be honest and loving at the same time. I see everything I have lost. When I see that, I want to do my best.
What came to my mind when thinking of my beliefs is that they form a great deal of my personality. So dismantling them can be hurtful and cause a lot of fear. I know the feeling of getting attacked personally when others just criticize things I believe in. I then sometimes notice myself insisting upon my opinion even though I already realized it is not reasonable. It is my anxiousness of giving up a part of myself that makes me act like that.
Zen-Practice helps me a lot to become more and more open and to see things like that more and more clearly.
Choosing to follow up on Amy’s inspiration to bring more awareness to my beliefs, I question how can I do this more effectively. One thought that comes to mind is to question: What would a person have to believe to get this result? For example, What would I have to believe to feel embarrassment or fear over a faux pas?
Can anyone share other tools?
Beliefs are illusions and can seem like hard habits to break. Yet, to step outside one’s comfort zone is to discover that beliefs are not what they seem. Nothing is outside the realm of possibility except what your mind convinces you as false reality. If a person feels discouraged, this is an illusion too.
Alice laughed: “There’s no use trying,” she said; “one can’t believe impossible things.”
“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen.
“When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
– Alice in Wonderland
Here’s an idea for an exercise. I haven’t tried it myself, but I’m going to play around with it:
1. List 5 of your beliefs on a piece of paper.
2. Rank the beliefs by how strongly you hold them.
3. Take the “least strong” belief and turn it on its head so that is is the opposite of the original belief.
4. Work with the new belief until you can accept it as true. Basically, you’re playing devil’s advocate.
5. Discard this belief and its original from your list.
6. Repeat steps 3-5 until you have worked through all of the beliefs on your list.
@Katie.
Thank you for your insightful comment. You fit in so naturally I feel like you have always been part of Lost Coin. Please let us hear lots more from you.
@Jeff Thank you for your comments. You obviously gave them some serious thought which I very much appreciate.
@Liara
Thank you for offering your insight and experience. Please continue. It is a pleasure to hear from you.
Thanks everyone for engaging and making this such an active collaboration. Lets keep going.
So, beliefs are a birdcage with paper bars and we are the birds. We can choose to break free or we can see the paper bars as solid and stay where we are. It’s our choice. Interesting post. Thanks!
What a beautiful image: a birdcage with paper bars. Thanks for stopping by, Sara.
Fascinating to see similar thoughts on this subject based on experiences from so many different occupations.
@Sara, wonderful to see you here too. I love the analogy of beliefs as a birdcage. Thank you for contributing, hope to see you around.
As you point out, human beings do not always recall the origin of their beliefs. When the mind appears, hindrances block what one’s access to inner knowing. To dissolve the mind and to detach from the thought process enables a person to realize where beliefs come from does not matter. Detaching from them does.